JHU Essays that worked 2024

https://apply.jhu.edu/essays-that-worked-2024/

Translating My Story Into Words

• Content
  • I found it interesting how the writer generalizes their interests under the common theme of translation.
    • Generalizing one’s interests
    • I also find it interesting because it’s something I’ve been thinking about (blu3mo)
      • This essay could be helpful in guiding me on how to do it (blu3mo)
  • It seems like elaborating on extracurricular activities is also appreciated.
    • On the other hand, it’s easy to forget about it.

  • From this essay, we learn about her willingness to work hard and persevere in various endeavors, as well as her ability to plan ahead and guide a group toward a common goal—traits that will come in handy in college.

    • It’s a simple evaluation.
      • “Expressing strengths through explaining activities”
      • I kind of forgot the original purpose of “appealing”
    • It’s surprising because I was overthinking it.
      • I was thinking about things like voice and personality, but maybe it’s a simpler story?
• Expression
  • Instead of just describing emotions, the writer shows them through actions.
    • For example, phrases like “I take a deep breath” and “I shake my head, unsure of what to do next.”
    • It seems more relatable than just saying “I was .”
  • The writer clearly states what is being translated at the end of each paragraph, a natural PEEL (especially the L).
  • The writer directly and clearly expresses positive emotions, like “I was proud of everyone and myself.”
    • Clarity is important.
    • Rachel is praised for showing effort, resilience, and celebrating the outcomes of her hard work.
  • It seems like the essay starts with the phrase “It’s all Greek to me” as a hook.

Lessons Learned

• Content
  • Personally, I didn’t find it very interesting.
    • I understand the strengths and personality being demonstrated, but it didn’t make me go “wow.”
    • I want to be able to articulate it more properly.
    • For me, even if I hear an interesting episode, it only makes me go “oh,” but I find it fascinating when I can see the structure of the message that can be derived from it.
    • Since I didn’t find the direction of the content very interesting, I don’t think I need to imitate it (blu3mo).
      • I should write about things that I find interesting (blu3mo).
  • Also, it seems to show how the writer learns from observing others’ behaviors.
  • Lastly, it demonstrates how the gained knowledge is being utilized.
• Expression
  • The writer clearly states that they reflect on what they learned.
  • They also clearly state that they can apply these values and overcome any challenge that comes their way.
  • Straightforward and clear expressions of learning and actions are something I want to remember (blu3mo).

Fried Rice in One (Not So) Easy Step

• Content
  • It covers various topics and is quite interesting to read.
    • It has some clever humor.
    • The concepts it deals with are simple binary oppositions.
      • However, the unique and interesting part is how the author approaches them.
      • It manages to combine simplicity and uniqueness, which is quite impressive.
  • It’s important to make a story interesting while clearly showing the evidence behind it to avoid any confusion (blu3mo).
  • It seems that the essay also showcases how the writer approaches their interests and embraces new challenges.
    • I didn’t realize it while reading, but I understood it from the AO comment.
    • There is a paragraph that lists everyday anecdotes, which can demonstrate how to approach universal things.
    • I might want to try using the approach of finding interesting aspects in the interaction with concepts (blu3mo).
  • I might want to imitate using a series of detailed anecdotes to demonstrate how to approach universal things (blu3mo).
• Expression
  • The phrase “I’ll let you in on a secret – I didn’t either” creates a sense of addressing the reader.
    • It makes me feel like the writer is talking to me.
  • But, without any disrespect to the recipe’s owner, I can tell you it’s wrong.
    • It’s a way to avoid being unnecessarily offensive.
    • In a way, this is also a part of the writer’s voice.
  • The humor is quite enjoyable.- I noticed that you’re using a lot of word count structure.
• The style of incorporating humor into the essay is impressive, but I think it might be risky to imitate (blu3mo).
• It’s similar to Translating my Story into words, where you touch on something at the beginning and then revisit it at the end.

Switching Shoes

• Content
  • It’s interesting to see the application of the lessons and realizations you gained listed out.
  • I found it slightly amusing that you’re going back to soccer, which adds an element of surprise.
    • I got the impression of the author’s open-mindedness and broad perspective, which left a good impression.
    • It’s nice to see the unexpectedness of the content conveying the author’s uniqueness (blu3mo).
  • Open-mindedness is demonstrated at multiple levels.
    • The layers of how you face hockey and what sports you choose, etc.
    • Embedding the same message at multiple levels like this seems to appeal to universality (blu3mo).
  • The concreteness of the examples was also appreciated.
    • I want to remember the solidity of the underlying basis (blu3mo).
  • Also, it was appreciated that you extracted and applied general learnings from your experience.
    • I want to be conscious of being able to see such meta aspects (blu3mo).
• Expression
  • I thought you were good at controlling the reader’s emotions.
    • Throughout the essay, there are various issues that make the reader anxious, but when the game starts, the problems are resolved and a feeling of relief and happiness is created.
    • I thought it was clever how you effectively conveyed the change in atmosphere at the start of the game, aligning it with the overall structure of the essay.
    • Overlaying the structure of the essay with the desired emotions is an advanced technique that I would like to try (blu3mo).
  • Descriptions of the surroundings like “Where there was silence and separation at first, I could now see the shared fanaticism through our red faces and hear the emotion in our clamor” are important.
  • Metaphorical expressions like “warm rush of excitement surging through my veins” or “burning glow of joy” make the writing more vivid.
    • It adds color to the writing (?)
    • I want to try my best to imitate it (blu3mo).

Oreo by Design

• Content

  • I found it interesting to learn a little trivia about the expression “Oreo.”
    • It’s a good way to generate interest even with a common topic (blu3mo).
    • Good hook.
  • The distinction between style and stereotype is a simple but intriguing analysis.
    • It brings a new discovery to the reader, like “Ah, they are indeed different.”
  • It connects the author’s activity in music with their inherent identity as an Oreo.
    • In doing so, it provides a deep analysis.
    • The committee expresses that it provides strong insights and is thoughtful.
  • At the same time, it expresses the author’s ambition in their analysis and their openness to introspection.
    • I want to consciously express these aspects (blu3mo).
    • It’s open-minded (example), and I want to make the content reflect that.

• Expression

  • It effectively conveys the insights gained from the blank spaces by overlaying them with the visual image of blank spaces in sheet music.
    • Metaphorical expressions seem to have effects beyond just decoration (blu3mo).
  • There are several paragraphs that stand alone as dialogue.
    • I want to emphasize the emphasis using paragraph structure (blu3mo).
  • The story is presented concretely, giving a grounded feeling (e.g., “From the seductive, powerful attacks within a tango melody to the upbeat, peppy nature of Top 40 hits”).
    • I think it’s important to be specific like this (blu3mo).

From Alone to Unique

• Content
  • It explains how the changes in the surroundings have influenced the author’s way of thinking.
    • It shows how they interact with the community.
    • It’s important to demonstrate the interaction with the community and the what will student take from uni aspect (blu3mo).
  • The hook doesn’t seem to have much relevance to the subsequent story.
  • According to the committee, it seems to have created synergy with the recommendation letter.
    • The fact that the author was active in the community is demonstrated in the recommendation letter, and that context is conveyed in this essay.
    • Each Element to be Submitted Should Support Each Other (blu3mo).
• Expression
  • There are plenty of specific examples in the story, which I want to imitate (blu3mo).
  • “Whether I was blowing out candles, writing a letter to Santa, or waiting for the clock to turn 11:11, my one wish growing up was not for something, but for someone. I wanted a sibling.”- I want to express emotions and situations in a concrete way, like blu3mo.